Updated February 8, 2000, with the story of the Brett Hall 2000-2001 Room Selection.

For many months, the Big Strong Man defended liberty and upheld justice at Rutgers University, protecting innocent students from the evil of the Lizard-Shouting Maniac, a supervillain known for shouting the word "LIZARD!" before killing. However, on November 23, 1999, that all came to an end, as the hero was found dead outside McCormick Hall on the Busch Campus. He appeared to have been drugged and thrown from a 6th floor window.

The obvious guess was to blame the Lizard-Shouting Maniac. However, the pieces didn't fit. The Lizard-Shouting Maniac was never able to defeat the Big Strong Man before - could defeating him by simple defenestration have been so simple? And the news media's failure to cover the death of so great a hero pointed to some larger conspiracy.

On December 1, 1999, an attempt was made by someone in a position of authority over University students to put another person sympathetic to our cause (who wishes to remain anonymous here) into confinement on the grounds that he was mentally unstable. Fortunately he was able to escape with his freedom, but we realized that the time had come for action.

An emergency meeting was held that night in Brett Hall, the end result of which was the formation of El Ejercito de Liberacion para Rutgers (ELR). Under the leadership of General Roderigo Reyito, ELR is determined to save RU from the plotting of an evil international organization we have termed the XP ("kye-roe") Conspiracy. What do we know about XP as of yet? Very little, unfortunately, and still less that we can post publicly. We believe that their base of operations at Rutgers University is McCormick Hall. Since the ELR's inception, we have heard reports of oppression of students in Thomas Hall by alleged XP collaborators. They are also suspected of ties to such other evil entities as the Lizard-Shouting Maniac, former tennis player Steffi Graf, London's Northern Line, and Greenland.

The ELR has 3 main demands:

• That all residents of Brett Hall and Thomas Hall at Rutgers University be granted temporary immunity from any authority the McCormick Hall Residence Life staff may have over them.
• That any disciplinary action pending against any resident of Brett Hall or Thomas Hall instigated by a member of the McCormick Hall Residence Life staff be declared null and void.
• That Rutgers University launch an independent investigation into underage drinking in McCormick Hall and the Residence Life staff's attempts to enforce the rules thereof.

The fight for freedom is never an easy one. But united we shall stand against XP, and either we shall prevail, or we shall die valiantly. I, Lieutenant Mark Ryan of the ELR, will keep you posted on any developments in our situation, since the mainstream news media are under XP's control. We shall never give up. Long live the ELR!

Update - January 18, 2000
We arrived back at college on the 16th, and a stroll down College Avenue revealed, to our shock, that the Rutgers College Counseling Center had burned to the ground, as had the Sigma Alpha Mu fraternity house. The Daily Targum covered the story today. Although the Counseling Center was used as a means of attacking us by XP collaborators in the University power structure in December, and the "SAM" house has allegedly been the scene of underage drinking, which is strongly opposed by ELR, we respect the Center for its understanding of our struggle and its refusal to be used as a tool of oppression. ELR also supports the activities of Lesbians and Bisexual Womyn in Action (LABIA), who have unfortunately been displaced by this catastrophe. In short, ELR does not consider this tragedy a victory in any way, nor do we claim any responsibility for it.

The Brett Hall 2000-2001 Room Selection
February 8, 2000

It is a dark day for Brett Hall, for ELR, and for all those who believe in freedom. Tonight, in the Clothier Hall lounge, Room Selection was held for Brett Hall, for the 2000-2001 academic year. ELR is ashamed to announce that our long and valiant struggle to protect Brett Hall from the forces of the XP Conspiracy has ended in noble defeat. Evil has taken over this dormitory, and it may never leave.

The General Honors Program's procedure for room selection dictates that students draw for lottery numbers in order of class year, from oldest to youngest. However, several members of the Class of 2002 who, due to their attendance of high schools in wealthy districts, came into college with large amounts of Advanced Placement credit, found a loophole by which they could change their class year ahead, participate in room selection as if they were in an older class, and then change back to their proper class affiliation after gaining a room. Some of the parties guilty of this deception were not former Brett residents, but rather residents of McCormick Hall, headquarters of the XP Conspiracy. At least one of these fiends has been outspoken in the past in condemnation of Brett Hall for, among other things, its ethnic makeup, by way of a campus publication.

Whether or not this seems an act of chicanery to you, let us consider the consequences. One longtime Brett resident and ELR sympathizer, who was legitimately a member of the Class of 2001, was denied a single room due to the glut of pretenders. If he had known XP was planning to sink to such depths, he had the credits to change his class affiliation to "5th-year-senior" to gain the position he needed in the drawing, but he underestimated their villainy.

In the 1999-2000 school year, a number of non-honors first-year students were placed in Brett Hall. As is the case for most first-year students living in residence halls, they built their social lives around their dorm-mates. When the time came around for housing selection, many were interested in the possibility of remaining here, rooming with Honors students, despite their not fitting into the category of Honors or First Year housing. They received ambivalent replies from various authority figures, and finally tonight were told they could not sign up. Several of these students, including recent ELR recruit Salty Papas, are now in a bind as to where they will live next year. However, rumors are flying that one Brett resident was permitted to take a non-Honors roommate only because he is the son of a powerful person in the Rutgers administration. ELR cannot currently report as to the truth of these rumors.

However, returning to McCormick's larceny of the Brett Hall single rooms, this raises other issues besides a true senior's loss of a room to false seniors. The question of WHICH juniors had this ability is also troubling. Large amounts of AP credit is not merely a sign of large amounts of effort having been exerted during the high school years. AP exams cost at least $75 each. Some high schools subsidize them so that their students do not have to pay, and other schools do not. Counting AP credits towards computation of class year in housing selections discriminates against alumni of less well-off districts. The change of class year is also not a viable option to many lower-income students, since outside scholarships see it as an attempt at fraud and do not allow it.

We love this residence hall, and we swore we would protect it. But the tide has turned against us, and we must concede this battle lost. Effective May 11, 2000, ELR headquarters will leave Brett Hall and move to the University Center at Easton Avenue. And the fight will continue. We will never give up.